That “nice” lady was a tramp?


“Why do prostitutes when they get straight always try and get so prim? It’s like long-repressed librarian-ambitions come flooding out.” ― David Foster Wallace, Infinite Jest

T H E  O L D E S T  P R O F E S S I O N

A few nights ago I was out dining with friends at a  somewhat expensive restaurant when I noticed a couple enter the dining area and waited to be seated at their table.

The man was middle-aged , dressed in a well-tailored suit,and he sported a pair of dark horn rimmed glasses. His female companion was a few years younger than himself and dressed fashionably well. They appeared to be the type of client the restaurant catered to.

As the hostess approached them the woman became loud and belligerent. The table the hostess led them to was not “quite right” and she chose a table that was more in the shadows than anything else.

The waitress serving their table offered them their food and wine menu but the woman knew what she wanted and in her opinion the wine menu was “inadequate”.

A steady stream of insults and complaints continued throughout their meal. The waiter, bus boys and waitresses seemed to be anxious for this couple to exit the building.

At the end of their meal the man asked the waitress for his bill. As he was in the process of paying for his dining out adventure his female companion excused herself and went to the washroom.

She returned after a few moments, rejoined her dinner companion and together they exited the restaurant. As they were leaving the woman made snide remarks about the service they had received and demanded that her date not leave  tip.

The service they received that night was top-notch and their table servers ( from bus boys to food servers) were very attentive to their every request. The restaurant was known for its customer service and attentiveness to detail.

As they were walking towards the door I noticed that a piece of toilet paper was dangling out the back of the woman’s dress and trailing on the carpeted floor.

I informed a nearby waitress of the woman’s embarrassing situation.

“Shouldn’t someone tell the lady that she has toilet paper sticking out the back of her dress?” I asked.

“That’s no lady” she said “she’s a whore and the paper does look good on her after the way she treated the staff here.”

I do not know if the offending woman was actually a “lady of the evening” and assumed the waitress was merely letting of a bit of steam towards this rude customer.

After the scene I had witnessed that night though I could only agree with her description of the woman’s inexcusable behavior.

You cannot make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear no matter how well dressed and decked out someone tries to be. – gc



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